


I'm a liability

by EarthsickWithoutYou



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Secret love, mind-reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-11 22:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthsickWithoutYou/pseuds/EarthsickWithoutYou
Summary: Takes place during 4x12.  Harry is terrified when Cecile reads his mind and inadvertently finds out he is in love with Caitlin.  Convinced that he's nothing but a bother to everyone around him, he tries to keep concealing his emotions, but how long can he live like that?





	1. Big mistake

“Don’t read my thoughts,” Harry snapped to Cecile. But hey, he could block her out, right? Because the last thing he needed was anyone figuring out his deepest desire, the one he was _always_ thinking about in some capacity. If Cecile was going to be hanging around here with that mind-reading power, he was going to have to put some kind of wall up around his secrets. _Great! No problem_ , he assumed. 

“What am I thinking about now?” He asked smugly, thinking about his favorite experimental formula. Unfortunately, he could only hold those numbers and symbols in his brain for a split second before his thoughts did what they always seemed to: they reverted back to Caitlin. Panicked at the way Cecile’s expression shifted from bemused to shocked, then sympathetic, Harry realized that by trying _not_ to think about Caitlin, he’d caused himself to do just the opposite.

 _Dammit,_ he accused himself, _doesn’t that always happen? What the hell did you expect?_

“Harry, I’m sorry,” Cecile said sheepishly. “I truly didn’t mean to unearth any thoughts you wanted hidden. I’m still getting used to this ability, and I guess I’ve been a bit cocky. That said…” she rested a hand on his shoulder as he stared harshly down at the floor, hating himself for his weakness. Apparently, figuring out DeVoe’s plan wasn’t the only thing Harry sucked at lately. He felt his emotions spiraling, going back to that dark place where he felt like a total loser, but he still heard Cecile’s voice when she finished her thought.

“You should really tell her,” Cecile smiled kindly, then she turned and left. Although no one else in the lab had been paying attention, as soon as Cecile moved, Harry saw Caitlin standing there, her bright eyes meeting his. The look on her face was so new that he had no way of understanding it whatsoever.

“Her?” Caitlin repeated. “Not to pry either, but…if you ever want to talk about whoever you were thinking about, whoever has you looking so conflicted right now, I’m here. You know that, right?”

Harry gave her a sad, small smile. “I know that, Snow.” He headed back to his investigative board, rearranging a few pictures to better represent their place in the timeline of DeVoe’s evolving scheme. 

Caitlin lingered. A new energy crackled in the air between them. God, if she only knew…wait, what if she did know how he felt about her, what if she’d guessed, or what if he’d been completely obvious all along? 

Cisco had figured it out weeks ago, of course. “I can’t believe I’m just now noticing that you look at Caitlin like she’s the triple decker special from Big Belly Burger with the jumbo strawberry milkshake,” Ramon had quipped when he finally brought it up to Harry. Cisco’s eyes sparkled with amusement, but also concern and the urge to encourage Harry’s deflated spirits.  


“I don’t look at Snow like she’s _food,_ Ramon,” Harry had argued.

“Yeah, the jumbo strawberry milkshake with the chocolate marshmallows on top, and not the regular fries, either, the loaded curly fries.” Cisco’s knowing expression broke down Harry’s attempt to remain calm.

“Why don’t you try shutting your mouth about things that are none of your business?” He’d groused, hands flying to his hips confrontationally.

Cisco looked mildly hurt, but infuriatingly, the concerned look remained on his friendly face. “Sorry, man, it’s just that when you like someone, it’s cool to have someone else to talk to about it. People do that, you know? Otherwise, all those feelings just stay trapped inside you, like a powder keg with a long-ass string lit, and one day, it’s just going to…” He made an “explosion” noise and Harry rolled his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ramon, ever,” he’d rebuffed, wishing he could remain nonchalant, completely unable to achieve the goal.

“If you change your mind, I’ll be here…” Cisco had replied casually. Harry gave him a short nod, hoping Ramon caught on that he was sorry for biting his head off, but also got the message that he seriously never wanted to talk about this subject again.

Harry forced himself back into the current moment, needing to focus on the case, prove himself not to be completely useless to the people who’d taken him in and tolerated him voluntarily on a daily basis. _Let’s face it, even Jesse couldn’t stomach that anymore._

“Harry?” Caitlin said quietly. He half-turned to see her sitting on the desk behind him, her long, shapely legs crossed beneath that maddeningly sexy skirt, her pensive expression made even prettier by the pink in her cheeks. Why was she blushing, why was she…chewing her lip…God, he wanted to kiss her so badly, it was eating him up inside. 

“Kind of busy here, Snow,” he barked, trying to choke back the impossible affection that took him over when he started to give into the hope that she might care for him in return. That was why he had to stay gruff and dismissive, to cover up the vulnerable, pathetic part of him that was screaming out for her.

“I know, we’re all busy, constantly. That’s nothing new. But it can’t hurt to take a beat every now and then to make sure a friend is okay. And that’s what I’m doing now. If you don’t mind…well, you probably do, but I’m going to ask anyway.” Caitlin shrugged, hopping down and circling him so that she could look at his face. Harry’s hands dropped uselessly to his sides. He was powerless if she wanted anything from him, anything at all. She could have it.

“Harry, Cecile looked really worried about you just then. _Are_ you okay?”  


“I’m fine,” he insisted.

“I agree with her, by the way. This stumbling block we’ve hit with trying to understand DeVoe’s master plan, it’s not your fault. There’s no reason it would be your fault, any more than mine or Cisco’s, and it’s not keeping _us_ up at night. Because we know that together, we’ll find a way to crack this case, like we always do. Don’t forget that, Harry, please?” Her voice broke over the “please” and he lost his breath a little. It seemed to mean so much to Caitlin that he was alright, it made him want to be, for her.

“If you say so,” he managed. It came out sounding tart and sarcastic, and he wanted to smack himself upside the head. Caitlin remained steadily calm and comforting, like she knew he was hiding from her and could be patient about it.

“I also agree that if there’s some lucky lady you have feelings for, you should tell her,” Caitlin smiled, a shadow crossing her face that seemed to conflict with her perhaps overly upbeat tone.

“Lucky? I think I’ll spare her the trouble of knowing about it, if it’s all the same to you,” Harry replied. “In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to repel people. The least I can do is help out around here to prove there’s an actual reason you’re all keeping me around.”

“Stop it, Harry,” Caitlin answered, her tolerance morphing to frustration. “How many times do you have to hear that we all love you and want you here before you start believing it?”

“Love, sympathy, whatever,” Harry said, trying to keep the hurt from showing. “I know I snark at you guys all day, but you’re _nice,_ above all, and that’s why you keep me around. Just look at H.R., what did he really have to offer? Like pretty much every version of me, he was taking up space under the pretenses of being something special he could never _actually_ be.”

“Harry!” Caitlin blurted, shocked, but he shook his head, turning to leave, preferably to hide somewhere obscure for the rest of his life. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back around to face her, making his heart leap with surprise and a cruel jolt of happiness. “Don’t you ever talk like that again. Do you hear me?”

Harry shook his head again. He never should have started opening up to her; it was a big mistake. Now, he was afraid he'd never be able to stop, that truths would tumble out heedlessly until Caitlin knew it all. She was pulling him to pieces like he was a soggy paper mache boat she’d plucked out of stormy waves, a half-crushed plaything falling apart in her fingers, the same ones that were wrapped tightly around his arms.

“It’s you,” he admitted, staring into her gorgeous, gold-swept brown eyes, “Okay? It’s you, you’re the one I have feelings for, Caitlin.” Her rose-tinted lips parted in surprise, but her hands stayed firmly in place, her body tantalizingly close to his own. “How pathetic is that, how humiliating is that? What’s wrong with me?” He felt tears threatening and swallowed hard to hold them back.

Caitlin still said nothing, staring at him with something like alarm. Great, she’d probably be weirded out by him forever now. “I’m sorry,” he got out, but the damn tears slid from his eyes as he tried to squeeze them shut, erase this awful moment. 

Then he felt her warm, soft lips pressing against his own and the universe tipped upside down.


	2. Watch me disappear

Harry knew it was a pity-kiss, but he wanted it anyway, gave into it knowing that within mere seconds, he’d have to rip himself out of the fantasy that it was anything more. Harry could only taste Caitlin’s lips for just so long before the passion inside him would explode, making him clasp her face, deepen the kiss, pull her body hard against his. That wasn’t what she wanted, so this had to stop, now.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry mumbled, pulling away and wiping his tears with the heel of his hand. “Really.”

“Harry, I—” Caitlin shook her head, her fingers lingering at her lips, her own eyes wet, cheeks pinker than ever. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Just.” His voice became mechanical in a fierce kind of way he couldn’t help. “Leave me alone, okay? I’m sorry. Pretend I never said anything.”

He turned and rushed away, but he could still hear her calling after him, her voice searing into his soul.

“Harry, stop! Let me talk, come on!” Her voice was shaky, pleading.

“Please, just stop,” he called back over his shoulder, just in time to see her flinch, looking hurt and confused. Now he had offended _and_ wounded her, the most precious, unforgettably exquisite woman he knew. All she’d wanted to do was make him feel better, he knew, because she did care about him, but Harry knew there was no cure for what he had. A terminal case of walking human ruination, a plague on friends and family alike. 

There was nothing to do now but to charge back into action, get back on the case, find Rundin. Get Cisco and Ralph back to normal size before he screwed anything else up. Then, Harry could try and force himself to concentrate on DeVoe’s gameplan, as if the feeling of Caitlin’s mouth against his wasn’t going to overpower his consciousness for the foreseeable future. The key word was “try.”

**************************************************************************************

When it was all over, the mission complete and successful for the day, Harry retreated to his room and the comforting darkness of solitude. It had actually felt good, being in the field, making the right calls and feeling deceptively as if he belonged for a few minutes there. At least Cisco and Ralph were fine and Rundin had been arrested, even if the scumbag had refused to admit he had framed Barry’s new friend Dave years ago. 

He started to go through the motions of his nocturnal routine, pouring a drink and sinking down on the couch, but the t.v. remote went untouched, just like the stack of books on the table and the tablet sitting next to them. All he could do was stare up at the ceiling, refusing to turn the lamp on, wondering what the fuck to do about just about anything in his life. Harry longed to get up and go straight to Caitlin, wherever she was, and talk it out. Maybe he would, if he could just think of even one damn thing to say.

Just then, a knock sounded at his door, startling him. “Go away!” he shouted out of habit. He slipped his hand under his glasses and rubbed his tired, sore eyes.

“No,” Caitlin’s voice replied boldly. She walked straight in, making him wonder why he hadn’t locked the door. Subconsciously, was he hoping she would show up?

“Harry, what are you doing sitting here in the dark?” Caitlin came over and switched the lamp on, staring down at him with disapproval that bordered on annoyance. That was more like it, he decided. This was the reaction he actually deserved.

“Oh, nothing,” he quipped, “Just trying to fade into the couch cushions and disappear, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be getting back to that. I really don’t need the Lollypop Guild right now, okay, Snow? Just bustle on back to whatever else you have to do, because I can guarantee you it’ll be a lot more rewarding than the little pity party you’ve got planned for me.”

“Are you done?” Caitlin asked, rolling her eyes. “I hate to break it to you, Harry, but the only one pitying you right now is you, and I’ve had it. You drop a bomb on me and then walk away after I _kiss_ you, when I can tell that for some reason, you’ve been dying inside for who knows how long, and honestly—” She was babbling, emotion making the words fall over each other as she waved her hands around wildly. “You don’t get to do that. So guess what? I’m exactly what you need tonight.” 

She gave him a pointed look, the Caitlin Snow is in Charge look he found adorable, intimidating and sexy as fuck. A deadly combination. _I am screwed,_ he thought, swigging his drink as she turned on her heel and grabbed his coat from the hook on the back of the door. 

“Get up,” Caitlin commanded, holding his coat out and waiting. There was no getting out of this, whatever _this_ was, so he stood and went to her, taking the coat as their fingers brushed together. Just that tiny contact was enough to make them both stop short for a beat and exchange a searching look. A shiver went down his spine at the depth of feeling he saw in her eyes, and for the first time, Harry wondered if he’d misunderstood Caitlin’s intentions with that kiss. 

“Okay,” Caitlin said, making herself pay attention to the matter at hand. “You’re coming with me. Let’s go.”

She made a beeline for the lab, where Cisco was waiting, which made Harry shoot a sour look at his friend. “Et tu, Ramon? All I wanted was a quiet night to myself, but it seems you two just can’t let me be.”

“A quiet night to sulk and feel sorry for yourself. Listen, Harry, if helping Caitlin help you is a betrayal in your eyes, then maybe you need to open them up already and take a good look at what’s really going on.” Cisco surprised Harry with his serious attitude. Gone were the wise-cracks. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Harry retorted, his eyes returning to greet his old friend the floor.

“It’s called friendship, and the sooner you get your head out of your ass and understand that no one has a low opinion of you except yourself, we’ll all be a lot happier,” Cisco added. He reached his hand out and opened a breach. “Have fun, guys,” he added in a lighter tone. When Harry raised his head and caught Cisco’s eye, he saw a look of satisfaction at telling him off, plus a glimmer of hope that whatever Caitlin had planned would work in pulling him from his depression. Then Cisco's face shifted with a flicker of guilt that he might have been too harsh in his words, but Harry wanted his friend to know that it was okay. 

Yes, this was definitely friendship, the kind he’d never known before coming to this Earth and meeting the team. He willed himself not to cry again and just gave Cisco a grateful nod.

Cisco nodded back and left, and then it was just Harry and Caitlin standing there with the yawning blue breach waiting behind them. “Snow, why—”

“Uh-uh,” she said, “My turn to interrupt. God knows I’ve earned it.” She grabbed his hand and added, “Come with me.” Harry never could have resisted her, and before he knew it, they were on the other side of the breach — more specifically, they were standing in his lab on Earth-2.

Jesse was sitting with her feet up on a desk, poring over a textbook, a highlighter in one hand, the cap stuck in her mouth. She spat it out and jumped up, the book hitting the floor. “Dad!” Jesse went flying across the room and gave Harry an enormous hug.

“Hi, Jesse,” he murmured, wondering why he couldn’t seem to stop crying today. He swallowed back the latest tears and pulled back to hold his daughter by the shoulders. “Didn’t think you’d be this happy to see me.”

She looked at him like he had five heads, then punched him in the shoulder. “Are you crazy? What are you talking about? Why did it take you this long to come back and visit? Well, I bet you’ve been super-busy on Earth-1, huh? I knew those guys needed you, see!” Jesse noticed Caitlin and enveloped her with a hug as well. “Caitlin! Here you are…with my dad…aaaahhhh! Does this mean that you two are finally together?”

“Wha—-what?” Harry blurted, “No, nah, where would you even get that idea?”

Jesse smirked and pointed at her own face. “They’re called _eyes_ , Dad.”

Caitlin raised her eyebrows and gave Harry a look he had no choice but to term “flirtatious.” He felt his cheeks start to burn and glanced back and forth between the two women, lost for words.

“Come on, guys, have a seat,” Jesse urged warmly, “Tell me all about your latest adventures. Wait a minute, though. First of all, Dad, why did you say that thing about me not being happy to see you? That was seriously weird.”

“Because, Jesse, you basically kicked me off this planet. Sorry if that gave me the impression you’d prefer to have some space for a fairly long time before I came back to meddle in your very important young Speedster life.” Harry heard the bitterness in his own tone and wanted to backpedal, but he couldn’t think how.

Jesse’s mouth dropped open. “Dad, I never did that! I told you that I thought my team needed to learn to stand on our own feet without you for a while, because otherwise, how would we ever do that? Plus, honestly, I was thinking it was time you got back to Earth-1. You kept looking through the pictures on your phone of your friends from Team Flash, looking all sad, especially when you looked at the ones with Caitlin in them—”

“I did not,” Harry argued futilely.

“Did so. And I knew you wouldn’t go unless I made you, so I made you. You deserve to have your own life, Dad, without always thinking you need to make sure I’m okay twenty-four-seven. You know?” Jesse shrugged. “I love you, Dad.”

“Oh, Jesse,” Harry sighed, pulling his daughter in for another hug. “I love you, too.” He couldn’t think what else to say, but luckily, at the moment this seemed to be enough.

“That’s enough of that,” Jesse decided, wiping her eyes and laughing, glad to have relieved both of their minds on this subject. “I can easily wait for the latest Team Flash updates because it’s clear to me that you guys have a lot to talk about. Why don’t you give Caitlin a little tour of Earth-2’s Central City?” Harry’s eyes widened and he gave Jesse a look that said, nay shouted, _I have no idea what I’m doing!_

Caitlin took mercy on him, slipping her arm through his snugly. “Great idea! Come on, Harry. So nice to see you, Jesse.”

“Back to the books for me,” Jesse replied archly, winking as Caitlin led her father away. 

*************************************************************************************

“Uh, so where to?” Harry asked Caitlin as they exited the building. The big lights and many streets of Central City beckoned in either direction, a sea of possibilities he had no idea how to narrow down to any kind of itinerary. Especially not when his heart was pounding and his breathing was hard to keep steady when Caitlin stood that close. To anyone passing by, they must look like a couple. He’d had dreams like this. Was this one of them? He pinched himself. “Ow,” he mumbled immediately afterwards.

“Did you just pinch yourself?” Caitlin asked, looking baffled.  


“Long story,” Harry said, finding that in the cold night air, it felt especially amazing to have Caitlin to hold onto. He could imagine what it could be like with a startling new clarity, being Caitlin Snow’s boyfriend, going on dates with her, finding fun ways to keep warm…Harry smiled, wondering why this had him feeling cheerful now instead of reaching further into his mind to find reasons for the impossibility of such visions.

“You’re smiling,” Caitlin noted, tracing his dimples with her fingers. “That’s what I like to see. Take me home, Harry. Your home. I want to see it. What I need to say to you…I can say it there. I need to be in your space, find out everything about you, the personal parts you shut us all out from. Don’t keep me on the outside anymore.” There was an ache in her voice and he caressed her cheek softly.

“Come on,” he said huskily, leading her away.

He still had the keys, carried them with him out of inexplicable habit, and he opened the front door only to toss them on the counter just as he used to in the old days. After turning the lights on, Harry took Caitlin’s coat and hung it beside his own before rubbing his hands together, looking around the large house as a million memories came back to him.

Out of everywhere he thought this day would lead him, this had to be the last place he expected, and Caitlin’s presence was undeniably surreal. 

“Wow,” she breathed, impressed, turning around in a slow circle to look at the place. He had never altered any of his late wife’s decor, which meant that it still bore the appearance of a warm, lived-in, happy family home, despite the fact that the last time he’d been here, it was in a state of miserable aloneness. 

“Why is it so clean here? You haven’t been back in ages,” Caitlin wondered, noticing the sparkling surfaces; not a dust bunny in sight. They sat down in the living room and Harry sighed at the sharp stab of nostalgia that hit him, being back there.

“I, uh, I kept my housecleaner on. She’s a nice lady, putting her son through college. Couldn’t bring myself to sell the place, which is pretty selfish of me, actually, since someone could actually be living here and enjoying the place.” Harry raked a hand through his hair, a nervous habit that had it usually looking suitably unruly for a mad scientist.

“Yeah, you’re a real asshole, Harry,” Caitlin said sarcastically, making him realize that phrase had never sounded so sweet. “What would happen if you stopped putting yourself down for five minutes?”

“I might let myself forget what I’ve done, what I’ve failed to do. My ego would become larger than life, like it used to be when I first lived here. And everyone around me would suffer the consequences.” Harry pressed his fingers anxiously against his knees. “Listen, I think I might still have some liquor around here somewhere if you want a drink.”

“Don’t change the subject,” Caitlin urged gently. She moved from her own chair to sit on the arm of his, taking his hand and stroking it. “What did you fail to do, Harry? Is this about Jesse, or…your wife?”

“I was an arrogant prick,” Harry explained briskly, his voice gruff, his self-blame unrelenting. “I was never here for my wife or daughter the way I should have been. Too wrapped up in work, in being the best, saving the world just to prove I _was_ the best. Before I knew it, I was losing my wife and I couldn’t save her. So she died, she lost her life because I was actually perilously far from being the best. And Jesse lost her mother, her chance at the childhood she deserved, because of _my_ failure, my inadequacy.”

“What if no one could have saved your wife?” Caitlin asked, still holding his hand in both of her own. He could almost let himself believe her. “What if you did right by Jesse, raised her well and never let her doubt she was loved and taken care of every single day of her life? And what if I can see all that so clearly that hearing you say otherwise hurts my heart?”

“Caitlin,” Harry whispered, running a hand over her beautiful face, the soft curve of her cheek, the trembling pucker of her lips as she kissed his fingers. He drew her down into his embrace and she nestled into him, making a low sound of contentment which astonished him. He hugged her tightly, feeling the way she could soothe his troubled mind and take his pain away, but still unwilling to fully surrender to the feeling.

“You deserve better than having to prop me up, deal with my mess,” he murmured. “You deserve someone so much better than me.”

“Please, Harry, I can’t stand that you think that,” Caitlin replied, genuinely upset. 

“It’s the truth,” he insisted, but she got off of his lap and stood in front of him, refusing to accept his words.

“The truth is, you’re the best man I know,” she told him emphatically. Harry sat up straighter, in a haze of disbelief he struggled to see through. 

“When I kissed you, why did you run away?” Caitlin added, and he could see again how he had hurt her, the last thing he’d meant to do.

“Because I felt exposed. And I was afraid,” Harry confessed frankly.

“Okay. I can understand that,” she nodded, starting to pace slightly as she thought the matter over. “So if I felt exposed too, then we’d be even and we could talk about us, right?”  


He had no idea where she was going with this. “Caitlin, really, you don’t have to—”

“Oh, yes, I do,” she maintained, “I really do.” With that, she began to unbutton her light blue denim shirt, letting it flutter to the floor as he stared at her aghast.

“What are you doing?”

She smiled at him then, her expression tender and vulnerable, open and welcoming. This was what she chose, what she wanted to do. For him. 

Caitlin unzipped her black leather skirt and stepped out of it, pulling off her tights, then her boots. She kicked them over with a coy smile back at him. As she reached for her bra straps, Harry said her name again, his heart in his throat, his breath catching. When he spoke the word, Harry supposed he meant to again reassure her that this wasn’t necessary, not to prove any point or address their communications problem through some symbolic display. But she wasn’t going to be dissuaded and he desperately didn’t want her to stop. She held him in a trance as she slid the black bra off, blushing self-consciously before proceeding to her lace panties, slowly removing them and standing there in front of him, still looking into his eyes, never having broken the mutual gaze although she obviously felt shy.

“There,” Caitlin resumed, running a hand through her hair, the glossy brunette curls fanning out around her bare shoulders. “Now I’m exposed, too. So tell me, Harry, are you ready to hear what I have to say?”


	3. Playing at romance

“Now I’m wishing I’d had that drink,” Caitlin remarked wryly. “Harry, why aren’t you looking at my body?” 

He kept his focus on her gorgeous doe eyes and answered easily, “Because you’re naked, Snow.”

She put her hands on her hips, her expression playful, challenging. “I’m naked because I _want_ you to look at me. Come on. Please?”

Finally, he allowed himself to obey, taking all of her in with his admittedly hungry gaze. She was very nervous despite this brave and bold action she’d taken, the contrast striking him as particularly true to her gentle, but inimitably strong personality. The firm, taut rounds of her breasts trembled as she took a shaky breath, holding her hands out to the sides of her smooth, slender stomach, the gesture announcing clearly, “here I am.” As his eyes wandered lower, she pressed her thighs together because the fire she’d ignited in him was showing, and it was turning her on. He couldn’t hide how much he wanted her, not from his face and certainly not as he felt himself growing harder. Harry conveyed that surge of desire to her without a word or a movement.

They stared at each other, both of them knowing that this moment was deeply sexual, but not only sexual. The love between them was shining through, mutual and so powerful that it could no longer be denied for any reason, including his insecurities. Caitlin’s act spoke of her entire devotion to him in a way that made Harry wonder how he could have been so blind to it before. 

“What did you want to say?” Harry asked slowly, and she shook her head with a soft sigh.

“It’s simple, really. I wanted to say…I love you, Harry Wells. And please let me kiss you again.” She shrugged, giggling bashfully, and he was standing before her within the next heartbeat. 

He placed his hand at the back of her head, fingers trailing beguilingly through her beautiful, silky tresses. More confident now, emboldened by his physical craving for Caitlin and undone by her words of love, Harry smiled, struggling to believe this could be real. “I love you, Caitlin,” he replied simply, leaning down to claim her lips as his arms encircled her. There was no need to hold back this time. He let her feel the completeness of his adoration, parting her lips with his tongue as she moaned appreciatively. He carefully held her naked form with the full knowledge that her exposure was as delicate as it was provocative. 

Harry took Caitlin’s hand and let her to the couch, where she sat astride him as they indulged in deep, sensuous kisses that promised much more. 

“How long?” She asked, overcome with emotion and longing, “How long have you loved me?”

“Always,” he sighed raggedly, letting himself be rocked by the feelings this inevitably brought back. The yearning, cutting him up inside every day, the horribly consuming jealousy when she was dating Jay, and later Julian. Making himself leave her, then coming back just to find that missing Caitlin had made him love her even more. “From the first time our eyes met, Caitlin, I loved you. I’ll always love you.”

“Then don’t wait any longer,” she whispered tightly, “Touch me.” He did as she asked, laying his hands over her shoulders and sweeping them over her back, cupping her bottom, then stroking her legs all the way down to her ankles, loving the way she sighed again, kissing his neck. “Use your mouth,” she implored as his fingers moved to her breasts. 

“Like this?” Harry asked, teasing her nipples mercilessly with gentle kisses before his tongue flicked out over them and Caitlin’s fingers sank into his hair. 

“Yes,” she responded immediately, then pulled his shirt off, trailing her touch over his skin, down to his jeans, the look in her eyes raw with mingled love and carnality. Caitlin leaned back, pulling him down so that he hovered over her, their limbs deliciously tangled, his hard-on pressing against her naked core. “Use your hands again,” she requested, reaching for them. Deliberately, Caitlin dragged his hand up her thigh until it rested against her most intimate area, causing him to stare at her with wantonly fierce desire, entering her with one finger, then two. He curved his long digits upward until Caitlin’s back arched and she moaned, the sound so velvety and sweet, he could barely contain his own excitement.

“You’ve touched me like that so many times with your eyes, the way you’ve looked at me,” Caitlin said haltingly, moving her hips upwards in time with his attentive stroking inside her. “Did you think I couldn’t feel that? I was just waiting…waiting for you to come to me, tell me, make this real…” She moaned louder, more sharply, her hips jerking upward and Harry was so wrapped up in her pleasure that he had no idea how he didn’t come himself just from watching her surrender. 

Caitlin took a few moments to get her breath back, but that was the only delay she could stand for before she pulled his jeans down, then guided him to her. 

They both cried out as he entered her, delving gradually deeper as her body clung to him, hot and damp, and he began to move, urged on by her hands on his behind, encouraging him to go further. Harry focused on long, slow thrusts, sighing again and again as pleasure vibrated through him and she took him over, the sounds from her lips so perfectly wild that he couldn’t resist kissing her. Caitlin dug her fingertips into his back, and as his motion began to quicken, intensify, her nails pressed into his flesh, scratching downward until he gasped. “I’m sorry,” she gulped.

“Don’t be-- I like that,” he assured her breathlessly. “Do it again.” She complied as he thrusted faster, the rhythm finally bringing them to a startling, overpowering shared climax.

“That was just how I always thought it would be,” Caitlin announced after a few minutes of lying there, snuggled up and spent. Harry’s face was pressed against her shoulder and he was tracing her collarbone, still somewhat dazed by disbelief in this fantasy turned reality.

“How’s that?” Harry asked as Caitlin’s fingers landed over his heart. He pressed them closer against the beating that belonged to her, wanting her to sense her power over him. 

“Perfect,” she grinned, biting her lip in a way that made him suspect he wasn’t really that worn out by their first lovemaking session. He felt his body begin to respond to her effortless sensuality again, and he saw Caitlin notice.

“Oh, really?” she teased, standing up and letting him watch her walk off into the kitchen. She tried to sway and swing her hips suggestively, but Harry could tell that her legs were still trembling and buzzy from their encounter, because she wobbled and laughed, peeking back at him.

He followed her as she pulled the fridge open to reveal a filtered water pitcher and nothing else. Caitlin grabbed a clean glass from the cupboard, filled it with ice cold liquid and took a long sip, enjoying the way he still stared at her, plans brewing in his mind.

She shivered slightly, the natural result of the refreshing but chilly beverage and her nudity. The heat was on but it was a winter’s night, and Harry wasn’t going to let this continue. 

“Cold?” He asked. She looked up at him and nodded, licking her lips, and he took the glass from her, sipping from it before putting it aside. Harry lifted her body in his arms without another word and carried her up to his bedroom. “Better?” he asked, lifting the sheets and blankets over her as she sighed like a kitten.

“A little bit,” she confessed, “But not all the way better yet.” Caitlin reached for him and he joined her, kissing her lips until they were warm again, then hot, kissing her body until she was downright sweaty, turning her onto her stomach and pressing his hands over hers as he licked her shoulder blades, then the small of her back. He caressed her supple derriere and Caitlin whispered, “Getting better. Don’t stop.” Harry reached around to the front of her to find that she was soaked again, more than ready for him to slide back in, but he couldn’t resist tasting her first.

“Harry,” she moaned deliriously, “I wanted this for so long. I never want you to stop.” Her words made him growl, then return his hands to hers, holding her down firmly as he pushed back inside her, not trying to start out gentle and slow this time, but simply following her vocal urges as she gradually grew less and less coherent, then cried out so loudly that she was nearly screaming.

Caitlin rested against the pillow gasping, then breathed quickly in and out as Harry landed beside her and cupped her face between his hands. “You’re unbelievable,” she told him, her eyes wide and amazed. She ran her fingers through his hair and added, “I hope you see it now, the way I feel about you. I hope you believe it.”

“I’m sorry I ran away from you,” He whispered, “When all I wanted to do was run _to_ you.”

“You can tell me anything, show me everything about you,” Caitlin assured him, massaging his temples until he could have melted away along with every stressful thought which had been weighing him down. “Wrap me up in you so tightly that we’re as close as two people can be, then find a way to get me closer. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Harry agreed ecstatically, blown away by her words. “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want that.” He let his head fall back against the pillow, then pulled her against him, rubbing her back and smelling her head, the coconut milk scented shampoo that still lingered, mixing with the natural smell of her. Harry’s eyes drifted shut and he just stayed there, just wanted to stay there always, open and free. He realized that moments like this were made out of forever.

“It seemed so impossible to me,” he admitted huskily, and she looked up at him, unable to understand why. “Because you’re a light, and I live in the dark.”

“Not anymore,” Caitlin insisted, nuzzling into his chest. “If you’re in the dark, I’m going there with you. And vice versa. Harry, no one’s safe from the darkness and you know I have my own, I have Killer Frost and that problem’s not going away anytime soon. I’ll share your burdens and you share mine. Right now, with you, I’ve never felt more protected. It doesn’t matter what happens next in our crazy lives, as long as we have each other.”

He knew the truth of her words, knew that he was safe and would devote himself unendingly to keeping her feeling the same. “No one’s ever saved me like this, Snow. How will I ever repay you?”

“Love me, love,” Caitlin murmured blissfully, her fingers traipsing lazily over his chest and stomach, an adorable drowsiness seeping into her tone.

Harry faded into slumber in unison, their chests rising and falling with the steady satisfaction they had found. He’d spent the day in a bitter abyss of loneliness and self-doubt, only to end it in paradise, hope restored, a happy ending he’d never dared to dream of asserting itself until the darkness was, for now, entirely blotted out. In the clarity and peace of this new beginning, they slept, and when they woke up, they would be ready to face the day.


End file.
